Suffocation

Its 1 am in the morning and still I can't seem to go to bed. Thoughts are still racing in my head coaxing that little monster called insomnia out of the deep recesses of my mind.

My heart feels a little unsettled somehow. Like I'm scared of something, like there's some hidden undercurrents overflowing with emotions, bursting at its seams.

I guess all the talk about future plans with my friend started all of it. I mean here I am a 20 year old soon to be a freshman in some university and I haven't got a clue of what lies ahead. To know that you are going to face something new is very intimidating or at least it is for me. I mean treading above uncertain waters not knowing where you are going or where you might end up.

I guess it wouldn't be so complicated if my dreams aren't as big as it is. Well, now I'm gonna share my craziest dream for myself and what I dream to achieve. My dream is to win the nobel peace prize. Well yeah I know its far fetched and all haha and I guess that's why all this future talk really scares me. What if I'm delusional? What if the truth is there is no way I can achieve what I want to achieve. To have your own dreams taken away and to realize that it was never possible in the first place.

So I guess right know the best word to describe how I'm feeling right now would be, suffocated. Sometimes I really do feel crushed underneath my own expectations of myself, underneath the high hopes and dreams that I have put on top of my shoulder. To have that longing to be special. To be somebody, and the eternal thirst for bettering yourself. Its suffocating.

But if someone asks will I ever trade this sensation of suffocation with full freedom of breathing by lowering my dreams and expectations of myself ? Absolutely not. I believe it is important to think of dreams that are larger than yourself, larger than life itself. Because it is the one thing that will keep you pushing your own boundaries, conquering your own limitations and ultimately achieve things that other people thought was beyond your capabilities. I believe we all are meant to be special. I mean what would happen If the Wright brothers never dreamed of man flying in the sky? Or if Alva Edisson never dreamed that he could generate light through electricity? We all have our part to play in this ginormous and super complicated game of life. Or at least that's what I want to believe in. So yeah go ahead and dream your wildest dream yet. The sky is your limit. Heck, there is no limit. Because you really never know, someday it might just come true.