Its 1 am in the morning and still I can't seem to go to bed. Thoughts are still racing in my head coaxing that little monster called insomnia out of the deep recesses of my mind.
My heart feels a little unsettled somehow. Like I'm scared of something, like there's some hidden undercurrents overflowing with emotions, bursting at its seams.
I guess all the talk about future plans with my friend started all of it. I mean here I am a 20 year old soon to be a freshman in some university and I haven't got a clue of what lies ahead. To know that you are going to face something new is very intimidating or at least it is for me. I mean treading above uncertain waters not knowing where you are going or where you might end up.
I guess it wouldn't be so complicated if my dreams aren't as big as it is. Well, now I'm gonna share my craziest dream for myself and what I dream to achieve. My dream is to win the nobel peace prize. Well yeah I know its far fetched and all haha and I guess that's why all this future talk really scares me. What if I'm delusional? What if the truth is there is no way I can achieve what I want to achieve. To have your own dreams taken away and to realize that it was never possible in the first place.
So I guess right know the best word to describe how I'm feeling right now would be, suffocated. Sometimes I really do feel crushed underneath my own expectations of myself, underneath the high hopes and dreams that I have put on top of my shoulder. To have that longing to be special. To be somebody, and the eternal thirst for bettering yourself. Its suffocating.
But if someone asks will I ever trade this sensation of suffocation with full freedom of breathing by lowering my dreams and expectations of myself ? Absolutely not. I believe it is important to think of dreams that are larger than yourself, larger than life itself. Because it is the one thing that will keep you pushing your own boundaries, conquering your own limitations and ultimately achieve things that other people thought was beyond your capabilities. I believe we all are meant to be special. I mean what would happen If the Wright brothers never dreamed of man flying in the sky? Or if Alva Edisson never dreamed that he could generate light through electricity? We all have our part to play in this ginormous and super complicated game of life. Or at least that's what I want to believe in. So yeah go ahead and dream your wildest dream yet. The sky is your limit. Heck, there is no limit. Because you really never know, someday it might just come true.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Ideas
Yesterday, I went and picked up a TIME magazine which inspires me to restart my blogging passion which usually only last around one month maximum. Blogging itself has been a joy for that short period of time, but alas, due to the lack of time and lack of interest, most of this Blog's predecessors died before they even reach maturity.
To be very honest I think there's another reason why all those blogs died. It was just yesterday after reading the article in the TIME magazine by columnist Joel Stein which talks about our age as the age of individualism, then it struck me, all this time, I have never used a blog as an avenue to be myself and express myself as who I really am. I have tried to create countless personas and wrote countless posts which, looking back now, I really think are immature and nonsensical. Reading through my previous post I question myself, 'Did I really change so much from that time when I wrote these posts?'.
Well no more of that from now on, and hopefully with this new resolution of trying to be myself in a blog as much as possible, this blog will live longer and survive over the coming weeks, months or even years.
Don't you just have crazy ideas sometimes? Ideas that just comes to you out of nowhere and you yourself are awestruck by how strange and brilliant those spontaneous ideas are. And how many of those inspirations have gone down the drain, just because you decided to shelf it inside your mind and forgot to take it out where it is lost into the realm of 'the things I forgot'.
You may wonder why I just wrote that paragraph about brilliant ideas lost by ourselves,and to be frank you have as much of an answer to that question as me. It just seemed like a good idea at the moment and I decide to pen it down to save it from drowning in the the realm of 'the things I forget'. Who knows, i might look at that paragraph someday and be inspired to write something even more meaningful or at least something which have a better structure of ideas than this one.
This is a journey for me, a journey that I am going to try to take, and hopefully it can be your journey too.
To be very honest I think there's another reason why all those blogs died. It was just yesterday after reading the article in the TIME magazine by columnist Joel Stein which talks about our age as the age of individualism, then it struck me, all this time, I have never used a blog as an avenue to be myself and express myself as who I really am. I have tried to create countless personas and wrote countless posts which, looking back now, I really think are immature and nonsensical. Reading through my previous post I question myself, 'Did I really change so much from that time when I wrote these posts?'.
Well no more of that from now on, and hopefully with this new resolution of trying to be myself in a blog as much as possible, this blog will live longer and survive over the coming weeks, months or even years.
Don't you just have crazy ideas sometimes? Ideas that just comes to you out of nowhere and you yourself are awestruck by how strange and brilliant those spontaneous ideas are. And how many of those inspirations have gone down the drain, just because you decided to shelf it inside your mind and forgot to take it out where it is lost into the realm of 'the things I forgot'.
You may wonder why I just wrote that paragraph about brilliant ideas lost by ourselves,and to be frank you have as much of an answer to that question as me. It just seemed like a good idea at the moment and I decide to pen it down to save it from drowning in the the realm of 'the things I forget'. Who knows, i might look at that paragraph someday and be inspired to write something even more meaningful or at least something which have a better structure of ideas than this one.
This is a journey for me, a journey that I am going to try to take, and hopefully it can be your journey too.
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