[Close] Friend

Friend
/frɛnd/ –noun

1.A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2.A person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends ofthe Boston Symphony.
3.A person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”
C.S. Lewis

I was inspired to write this post due to some certain happenings and realizations that had occurred to me during the past 2 weeks. Basically it revolves around the problems that I am having with one my group of friends, my so called “clique”. The group consists of 5 of us and we have been a clique for almost 2 years now.

We were 5 different people going to 4 different Junior Colleges in Singapore, but somehow or the other we ended up going out together, all 5 of us, and found that we make a pretty good group together. During those early times when we first became a clique, every minute that we spent together as a group was pure unadulterated fun and joy. Conversations flowed so easily between us, there’s no need to think up of a topic, everything just flowed naturally. And every time we had an opinion about something or someone, we are free to express it within the group as knowing that we will not be judged by others within that group.

Here’s a bit of how we described ourselves at that point in time.

“A constellation of far-from-ordinary beings,
whose responsiveness is unmatched by any thermocouple,
whose craziness is unrivalled by any mental patient,
whose originality is unparalleled by any PW group,
with a never-ending passion to live life to the fullest.”

But now, sadly to say, things are quite different. We all grew apart over the past 2 years and now, conversations no longer flows so easily between us, and the veil of awkward silence is appearing more and more often every time we got together as a group. There are a lot of unspoken things going on between the five of us and what makes it so difficult is that, we are not completely transparent towards each other regarding how we feel about each other and as a group. I am still very good friends with some others in the group and chatted with them on a daily basis, and I feel that all of them are always completely honest with me. It’s just that they are not completely honest with each other and this is why it’s very difficult for us to connect as a group right now.

The questions that I kept asking myself and also others within the group are, what happened to us as a group of close friends? How could we drift apart over the 2 years?

This whole thing with my clique finally got me asking a very important question to myself.

What in actual fact are close friends?

To me close friends are those people who you know are always there for you. Who will stick with together with you through all your ups and downs. Your sanctuary, where silence is just as comfortable as any other conversation, where you can be yourself without being judged, where you can express your feelings, opinions, worries, regrets, hopes and dreams without any form of censorship. Who you know will always be honest with you and will tell you the things that are the most difficult to tell. Who will never think of the possibility of not being friends with you . Who can grow separately from you without growing apart. The ones whom you’ll keep close throughout the years of your life.

Seeing what I’ve just written I do realize that it’s a really tall order for someone in order to be considered as one of my close friends, but I believe that’s actually the beauty of it. They are those very rare and difficult to find gems, but whose value will outshine any other and make you richer beyond your imagination. I myself have had the fortune of stumbling upon some of those gems. Friends whom after years of separation I can still connect with and accept me for who I’ve become after the years of separation.

This made me realised that my clique was never really a group of close friends at all. I mean I am close friends with some members within the clique itself, but as a group we are never really that close, we were just ‘compatible’ with each other at that point in time.

It was circumstances and similar thought processes that brought us together. Not the fact that we are close to each other. Conversations flowed so easily back then because we still think the same way, having the same opinions about things and therefore are free to express it without being judged as the rest would certainly feel the same way towards whatever that you are talking about. But as time goes by, we all change, albeit a little. Bit by bit we all grew a part, our opinions start to differ, our character starts to mould itself into different shapes from what it was when it all began. This difference was the thing that finally caused us to not be able to maintain that “closeness” that we had at the beginning.

Well right now, the group is still a pretty fun group to hang out with. I still look forward towards meeting them all together as a group, as whatever it is, we still make a pretty good group albeit not having that closeness that we use to have. I mean we all can still talk and joke together and at times I do get to see glimpses of the times before we grew apart.

This whole experience made me realize a thing or two about the nature of close friends, and how I shouldn’t mistake close friends with compatible friends, where the closeness and comfort we feel are all in a very superficial basis menial conversations we had and the fun of hanging out together.

In life we meet different kinds of people, some will stay by our side and be our friends some will just be another person in our life, never leaving a deep imprint in the sands of our life. I do agree with C.S. Lewis that friends are the ones who help us give meaning in our lives. Sure some are close friends and some are not, but I feel that we should treasure each and every one of them no matter what. Like my friends in my clique, even though as a group we were never that close, but they have given me so many fun and memorable memories that I continue to treasure until now. Seeing how things have become, I never regretted ever meeting them and forming a clique with them, it’s just that life meant for us to go on our separate ways. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t still have fun together and that they have made me richer in a way that they have never imagined.