A good way to fall in love
is to turn off the headlights
and drive very fast down dark roads.
Another way to fall in love
is to say they are only mints
and swallow them with a strong drink.
Then it is autumn in the body.
Your hands are cold.
Then it is winter and we are still at war.
The gold-haired girl is singing into your ear
about how we live in a beautiful country.
Snow sifts from the clouds
into your drink. It doesn't matter about the war.
A good way to fall in love
is to close up the garage and turn the engine on,
then down you'll fall through lovely mists
as a body might fall early one morning
from a high window into love. Love,
the broken glass. Love, the scissors
and the water basin. A good way to fall
is with a rope to catch you.
A good way is with something to drink
to help you march forward.
The gold-haired girl says, Don't worry
about the armies, says, We live in a time
full of love. You're thinking about this too much.
Slow down. Nothing bad will happen.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
West Side Story
Stay Back! (Asks for the gun)
How do fire this gun Chino? Just by pulling this little trigger?
How many bullets are left Chino? Enough for You? and You? All of you!
You All killed him! And my Brother and Riff. Not with bullets and guns, with hate!
Well I can kill too! Because now I have hate!
How many I can kill Chino? How many?
I still have one bullet left for me. (Falls to the floor and cries)
Maria - West Side Story (1961)
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Scaffolding - Seamus Heaney
Masons, when they start upon a building,
Are careful to test out the scaffolding;
Make sure that planks won’t slip at busy points,
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints.
And yet all this comes down when the job’s done
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.
So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be
Old bridges breaking between you and me
Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.
Are careful to test out the scaffolding;
Make sure that planks won’t slip at busy points,
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints.
And yet all this comes down when the job’s done
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.
So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be
Old bridges breaking between you and me
Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.
Dipping My Feet Into The Cold Waters of Creative Writing
jeal•ous•y
/ˈdʒɛl ə si/ –noun, plural
1.jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoyingsuccess or advantage, etc., or against another's success oradvantage itself.
2.mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry,unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3.vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
That little green monster,
hiding in the
Deep recesses of my mind
waiting for the chance to go out
To feast
destroy
Green like the grass,
Whenever we look up at the vastness
Of the skies
At the freedom of the birds
Soaring without a care
Whenever we see something
Above, bigger,
faster, richer
nth-er
Forever bound
Forever existing
Envy
I just watched the movie “Flipped” And I really feel that it was such a mesmerizing movie of love, judgements and regrets. It was about a boy and a girl, about their story of falling in love as well of falling out of love. The girl in the movie loved to climb a particular tree and enjoy the breathtaking view that she could see from the top of the tree. One scene that really resonates deep within me was when the girl’s tree was cut down and she was devastated by this fact. Then the father, who is a gifted artist, out of love for her daughter, painted a picture of that tree for her and hung it in front of her bed, so that it will be the first thing that she’ll see whenever she wakes up, and the last when she goes to bed. Beautiful isn’t it? For some people this scene might just be a mediocre one, but not for me. This scene holds so much for me as it is the one thing that I have always wished I could have. The love of a real father, of a real family.
My parents were divorced when I was still very young. So I have never had that chance of being loved by a real father as I was growing up, and envy those people who actually had wonderful experiences with their dads. Ever since their divorce, my mother, brother and I stayed at my grandparent’s house. Their house was huge. I think the word mansion best describe it. It was painted white on the outside and had lots of big windows all around the house, allowing the glaring light of the sun to enter the house every morning, waking up its inhabitants. All around the house was a beautifully tended garden, with roses, jasmine and orchids all around. Living in such a place often made me feel like I’m a princess. And yet even though I had all this, I feel that something is always missing inside.
Like many other modern fairytale princess, I never felt much love from my mother or my grandparents. My mother was always at work trying to support me and my brother, while my grandmother only told us the things that we’re supposed to do. Every time we went back from school there was never that sweet ring of “How was your day?” or “What did you learn at school today?” Instead, there will only be my maids and grandmother who will promptly ask me and my brother to take a shower immediately and prepare for extra lessons or tuition. As the day comes to a close and the sky is tainted with orange, I would start to get worried. Worried for my mother, especially if she came back later from work. I would just pace around the garden and no sweet intoxications from the flowers can cure my worry. But like all kids I was still shy to admit my feelings, that I worry about her that much, so every time I hear that oh so familiar footsteps of my mother, I would just pretend to play around the garden and try my best no create a veil of nonchalance, ignoring her arrival altogether.
Before this, she used to work at my aunt’s DVD store. It was hard work and she would only be home by around 11pm. Back then I had to go to bed by around 10 pm. No matter how hard I tried I can never fall asleep before I am sure that she was back home safely. Tossing and turning on my bed, waiting for that click of the front door and hearing that familiar footsteps which was the only bedtime story that can finally lull me to sleep. If by 11 she was not back yet, I would pray and pray to God, to bring her home safely. I would promise Him that I would always be a good girl and listen to whatever my mother had to say, if only He can bring her back safely. Recalling this scene now, I feel terrible, as I had never been a very good daughter as what I had promised despite the fact that my mom made it safely home every night.
My mother was a fighter. Those early years were never easy for her and for us as a family, and yet she fought on and never gave up on us. I used to get angry at her for little things. Grounding me whenever I defied what she said to me, not buying me the things that I wanted, or not allowing me to go out and play with my friends during the weekends. However, deep inside of me, I know that no matter how much I am annoyed at her or even detest her sometimes, I would always love her more. If it weren’t for the sacrifices that she made during our early journey as a family, I might not be the person that I am today, enjoying everything that I have right now. She saved every single penny she could, to raise my brother and I. Like everyone, she always had a choice, the choice to abandon us and leave us in an orphanage to give herself the chance to start again. And yet she stuck with us and carried us through. She turned down many suitors just because they couldn’t accept our existence as her children. For this I truly admire her courage and her love for us.
All of her years of perseverance and patience finally paid off one day when she met my best friend’s dad, who would eventually ask for her hand in marriage. It was what I thought a fresh start, a new beginning for all of us. My best friend lost her mom due to breast cancer so from my point of view, we are all pretty much on the same boat. The first few years after they get married were the happiest years for me. My new father was very nice to us. He would play with me all day, piggybacked me, carry me on his shoulders, and do practically anything to make laugh, spilling with joy. It was a great moment, to finally feel loved, to finally found a father figure in my life that I can depend on. My father and mother loved me more than anyone else, and as a bed of roses, underneath the beauty of my life at that time, there are still thorns waiting to prick. Everyone else was jealous of my parents love for me, and this was the fuel that was used to spark up conflicts within our family. It was a beautiful yet difficult few first years. But how as time goes by rocks are softened, so are hearts. After a while everyone seemed to be able to accept everything and life goes on.
Someone once said that life is like a wheel, sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. Just as everyone had started to settle down, my step brother was diagnosed with brain tumour. It was shattering, hearing the news, especially for my dad. He just lost his wife due to cancer and the pain was still there haunting him. He refused to give on my brother. He tried everything he could. All the hours spent consulting with different doctors, moving my brother to and fro hospitals around town, desperately trying to find a cure for the incurable. He forked out every single cent that he had and lost millions trying to save my brother. We had to sell our car. And after four surgeries and countless sessions of therapy and medication, it was not within our power to save my brother’s life. He passed away on New year’s eve. When the world was rejoiced at the beginning of a new year, we were lamenting the end of my brother’s short life. All the things that he never got to see, the things the he never got to do and experience. It just seemed so unfair, just when life seemed to get better.
For my father it was the last straw that will finally break the camel’s back. Ever since then things changed within our house. We hardly go out. We hardly had family time, and the only language spoken within our house is the language of silence. It seemed like my dad had been through enough. Enough with life and all its miseries. This experience had also made them paranoid about us their children. Once I had a really bad headache and without hesitation I was rushed to the hospital to take and MRI and CT-scan. It turns out to be nothing at all, and I suppose with the death of my brother, it has allowed the birth of the monster of paranoia within my parents mind.
I can’t really recall when I started to hate the vines of attention that started to strangle me. My parents were over-protective and I needed space to grow up. The monster of paranoia is choking me and my growth as a teenager. From then on things took a turn for the worst. My dad who had seemingly gave up on our family, never paid attention to us anymore. The closely knitted ties were broken and at certain point in time, things got so bad that all I could think of was to run away from home. Fortunately I did find a way. A chance to study overseas, and leaving that madhouse of a home far behind me and out of my life. But being away from them made me realized once again how much my family means so much to me, no matter how bad they are. And yet every time I go back home during the holidays, there’s nothing that I would want more, than to get out of there as fast as I can.
As time goes by, we became further apart, the chasm is now too deep and any chance to salvage any family ties and bonds are dashed. I hardly talk to them now, only to my mom every time she calls me once a week. Those beautiful times were nothing but distant memories now. I thought I had a dad, I thought I had a family, and yet life says otherwise. Looking at people with a perfect family or movies depicting such scenes breaks my heart and sparked the green flame of jealousy deep within me. And even though I love my mother and my brother no matter what, and promised to become a better daughter, that green flame will always burn. Burn, until the day I can finally have that feeling again the feeling of being loved by a real family.
/ˈdʒɛl ə si/ –noun, plural
1.jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoyingsuccess or advantage, etc., or against another's success oradvantage itself.
2.mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry,unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3.vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
That little green monster,
hiding in the
Deep recesses of my mind
waiting for the chance to go out
To feast
destroy
Green like the grass,
Whenever we look up at the vastness
Of the skies
At the freedom of the birds
Soaring without a care
Whenever we see something
Above, bigger,
faster, richer
nth-er
Forever bound
Forever existing
Envy
I just watched the movie “Flipped” And I really feel that it was such a mesmerizing movie of love, judgements and regrets. It was about a boy and a girl, about their story of falling in love as well of falling out of love. The girl in the movie loved to climb a particular tree and enjoy the breathtaking view that she could see from the top of the tree. One scene that really resonates deep within me was when the girl’s tree was cut down and she was devastated by this fact. Then the father, who is a gifted artist, out of love for her daughter, painted a picture of that tree for her and hung it in front of her bed, so that it will be the first thing that she’ll see whenever she wakes up, and the last when she goes to bed. Beautiful isn’t it? For some people this scene might just be a mediocre one, but not for me. This scene holds so much for me as it is the one thing that I have always wished I could have. The love of a real father, of a real family.
My parents were divorced when I was still very young. So I have never had that chance of being loved by a real father as I was growing up, and envy those people who actually had wonderful experiences with their dads. Ever since their divorce, my mother, brother and I stayed at my grandparent’s house. Their house was huge. I think the word mansion best describe it. It was painted white on the outside and had lots of big windows all around the house, allowing the glaring light of the sun to enter the house every morning, waking up its inhabitants. All around the house was a beautifully tended garden, with roses, jasmine and orchids all around. Living in such a place often made me feel like I’m a princess. And yet even though I had all this, I feel that something is always missing inside.
Like many other modern fairytale princess, I never felt much love from my mother or my grandparents. My mother was always at work trying to support me and my brother, while my grandmother only told us the things that we’re supposed to do. Every time we went back from school there was never that sweet ring of “How was your day?” or “What did you learn at school today?” Instead, there will only be my maids and grandmother who will promptly ask me and my brother to take a shower immediately and prepare for extra lessons or tuition. As the day comes to a close and the sky is tainted with orange, I would start to get worried. Worried for my mother, especially if she came back later from work. I would just pace around the garden and no sweet intoxications from the flowers can cure my worry. But like all kids I was still shy to admit my feelings, that I worry about her that much, so every time I hear that oh so familiar footsteps of my mother, I would just pretend to play around the garden and try my best no create a veil of nonchalance, ignoring her arrival altogether.
Before this, she used to work at my aunt’s DVD store. It was hard work and she would only be home by around 11pm. Back then I had to go to bed by around 10 pm. No matter how hard I tried I can never fall asleep before I am sure that she was back home safely. Tossing and turning on my bed, waiting for that click of the front door and hearing that familiar footsteps which was the only bedtime story that can finally lull me to sleep. If by 11 she was not back yet, I would pray and pray to God, to bring her home safely. I would promise Him that I would always be a good girl and listen to whatever my mother had to say, if only He can bring her back safely. Recalling this scene now, I feel terrible, as I had never been a very good daughter as what I had promised despite the fact that my mom made it safely home every night.
My mother was a fighter. Those early years were never easy for her and for us as a family, and yet she fought on and never gave up on us. I used to get angry at her for little things. Grounding me whenever I defied what she said to me, not buying me the things that I wanted, or not allowing me to go out and play with my friends during the weekends. However, deep inside of me, I know that no matter how much I am annoyed at her or even detest her sometimes, I would always love her more. If it weren’t for the sacrifices that she made during our early journey as a family, I might not be the person that I am today, enjoying everything that I have right now. She saved every single penny she could, to raise my brother and I. Like everyone, she always had a choice, the choice to abandon us and leave us in an orphanage to give herself the chance to start again. And yet she stuck with us and carried us through. She turned down many suitors just because they couldn’t accept our existence as her children. For this I truly admire her courage and her love for us.
All of her years of perseverance and patience finally paid off one day when she met my best friend’s dad, who would eventually ask for her hand in marriage. It was what I thought a fresh start, a new beginning for all of us. My best friend lost her mom due to breast cancer so from my point of view, we are all pretty much on the same boat. The first few years after they get married were the happiest years for me. My new father was very nice to us. He would play with me all day, piggybacked me, carry me on his shoulders, and do practically anything to make laugh, spilling with joy. It was a great moment, to finally feel loved, to finally found a father figure in my life that I can depend on. My father and mother loved me more than anyone else, and as a bed of roses, underneath the beauty of my life at that time, there are still thorns waiting to prick. Everyone else was jealous of my parents love for me, and this was the fuel that was used to spark up conflicts within our family. It was a beautiful yet difficult few first years. But how as time goes by rocks are softened, so are hearts. After a while everyone seemed to be able to accept everything and life goes on.
Someone once said that life is like a wheel, sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. Just as everyone had started to settle down, my step brother was diagnosed with brain tumour. It was shattering, hearing the news, especially for my dad. He just lost his wife due to cancer and the pain was still there haunting him. He refused to give on my brother. He tried everything he could. All the hours spent consulting with different doctors, moving my brother to and fro hospitals around town, desperately trying to find a cure for the incurable. He forked out every single cent that he had and lost millions trying to save my brother. We had to sell our car. And after four surgeries and countless sessions of therapy and medication, it was not within our power to save my brother’s life. He passed away on New year’s eve. When the world was rejoiced at the beginning of a new year, we were lamenting the end of my brother’s short life. All the things that he never got to see, the things the he never got to do and experience. It just seemed so unfair, just when life seemed to get better.
For my father it was the last straw that will finally break the camel’s back. Ever since then things changed within our house. We hardly go out. We hardly had family time, and the only language spoken within our house is the language of silence. It seemed like my dad had been through enough. Enough with life and all its miseries. This experience had also made them paranoid about us their children. Once I had a really bad headache and without hesitation I was rushed to the hospital to take and MRI and CT-scan. It turns out to be nothing at all, and I suppose with the death of my brother, it has allowed the birth of the monster of paranoia within my parents mind.
I can’t really recall when I started to hate the vines of attention that started to strangle me. My parents were over-protective and I needed space to grow up. The monster of paranoia is choking me and my growth as a teenager. From then on things took a turn for the worst. My dad who had seemingly gave up on our family, never paid attention to us anymore. The closely knitted ties were broken and at certain point in time, things got so bad that all I could think of was to run away from home. Fortunately I did find a way. A chance to study overseas, and leaving that madhouse of a home far behind me and out of my life. But being away from them made me realized once again how much my family means so much to me, no matter how bad they are. And yet every time I go back home during the holidays, there’s nothing that I would want more, than to get out of there as fast as I can.
As time goes by, we became further apart, the chasm is now too deep and any chance to salvage any family ties and bonds are dashed. I hardly talk to them now, only to my mom every time she calls me once a week. Those beautiful times were nothing but distant memories now. I thought I had a dad, I thought I had a family, and yet life says otherwise. Looking at people with a perfect family or movies depicting such scenes breaks my heart and sparked the green flame of jealousy deep within me. And even though I love my mother and my brother no matter what, and promised to become a better daughter, that green flame will always burn. Burn, until the day I can finally have that feeling again the feeling of being loved by a real family.
Pia Toscano - I'll Stand By You
Pia Toscano singing I'll stand by you at Dancing With The Stars.
In the words of host "How the hell did [she] get voted off?"
In the words of host "How the hell did [she] get voted off?"
Acceptance
ac•cept•ance
/ækˈsɛp təns/ –noun
1.the act of taking or receiving something offered.
2.favorable reception; approval; favor.
3.the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory.
“But can we all just stop lying about that there aren’t things that we wouldn’t change about ourselves? . . . I’m just keeping it real. . . . All I’m saying is that if you look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see, you should change it.”
Santana Lopez– Glee “Born This Way”
When you look at yourself in the mirror, are there things that you wish you could change? Are there things about yourself, inside and out, that you wish you never had?
The newest Glee episode revolves around the topic of people accepting themselves for who they really are, no matter what you look like, no matter what race you came from. For me, the most impactful moment of the show was the internal conflict within Quinn Fabray. So far in Glee, she has been depicted as your typical High School “It” girl, long flowing blonde hair, a facial bone structure which are to die for, basically the prettiest girl in school. Here in this episode it was revealed that before she came to High School, she was not pretty at all. She was fat, had pimples all over her face and had brown hair (not that there’s anything wrong with brown hair). She even did a nose job to achieve the look that she has right now. This is what she has to say about her experience being that sad little girl.
“I hated the way I look. I had zits, I was chubby, felt terrible about myself. I didn’t have friends, nobody would talk to me. I was the only kid at school who had to dissect their own frogs because nobody would be my lab partner. [Describing the changes she made]. . . I love myself and that’s why I did all those things. I’ve been that girl, and I’m never going back."
Quinn Fabray – Glee “Born This Way”
I believe that this is a topic that really resonates deep inside all of us because, as Santana has so crudely put, there must be things about ourselves that we always want to change. Maybe you want to lose a few more pounds, to have higher cheek bones, wishing to God that you don’t have an entire Amazon of zits on your face or even wishing that you came from another race. And we all know how hard life can be when you don’t look like as good as other people, when you don’t click with other people, when you’re different.
Personally I can really relate to Quinn Fabray, in terms of how she used to hate the way she looked. I didn’t have it as bad as she was (I never wish to have any cosmetic surgeries), but I have to admit that I was fat when I was younger, and I wasn’t remotely athletic at all. I totally suck at sports, and in an environment where most people view that boys should be good at sports it was something that I was really ashamed off. And all these things that I see of myself are the reasons why I strive towards perfection (insecurity post). It is because I was so insecure about myself and the way I look that I tried so hard in order to be that perfect image. Just like how Quinn Fabray tried so hard to change and hide her past so she can be what she is today. I believe that when you see someone who is almost perfect it’s either they are just lucky enough to have it all naturally or they are just extremely insecure that they try so hard to be perfect to satisfy their insecurity and to be able to accept themselves.
When talking about the topic of acceptance I am always a bit confused as sometimes trying to change who you are, like what Santana said, can be a good thing. For me, I tried to lose weight and I picked up certain sports like tennis and swimming and all of those worked for me. Nowadays I can feel much better about myself compared to when I was still in Primary and Junior High School. In the words of Quinn Fabray, I didn’t try to be perfect and change myself solely because of the insecurity and because I hate myself, it is because I love myself that I want to change, that I want to be better.
I believe that acceptance is crucial. You should always try and accept who you are, especially all the things that you can’t change inside or out. But like how you must control your insecurities I believe you should also control your sense of acceptance too, as we all should look at ourselves and try to see the things that we can change to make ourselves into a better person. An example, I was obese last time, If I were to completely accept myself with no other regards, I would have continued being obese and unhealthy for the rest of my life, with risks of heart disease and diabetes haunting me every step of the way. All I’m saying is do not let your sense of acceptance of who you are prevent you from trying to improve yourself as a person.
Acceptance does not only mean towards oneself but also towards others. As we can see from Quinn Fabray’s account, her life was miserable not because she didn’t accept herself, it is because the other kids in school refuses to accept her for who she was and what she looked like, which caused her to hate herself for it. Accepting yourself for who you are is one step, but we should never forget to try and accept other people for who they really are as well. People are born different and who are we to judge them based on their looks and what they have? We all have things that we wish to change about ourselves and so does the people around us, and it will do everyone good if we could try and accept other people for who they are and not give them a miserable time in school or anywhere else just because they are different. We all have certain kinds of people that we prefer to hang out with and that’s perfectly fine. But that shouldn’t stop us from trying to be nice and accepting to everyone, even the people that we can’t really “click” with.
Finally, in the words of Lady Gaga
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
/ækˈsɛp təns/ –noun
1.the act of taking or receiving something offered.
2.favorable reception; approval; favor.
3.the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory.
“But can we all just stop lying about that there aren’t things that we wouldn’t change about ourselves? . . . I’m just keeping it real. . . . All I’m saying is that if you look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see, you should change it.”
Santana Lopez– Glee “Born This Way”
When you look at yourself in the mirror, are there things that you wish you could change? Are there things about yourself, inside and out, that you wish you never had?
The newest Glee episode revolves around the topic of people accepting themselves for who they really are, no matter what you look like, no matter what race you came from. For me, the most impactful moment of the show was the internal conflict within Quinn Fabray. So far in Glee, she has been depicted as your typical High School “It” girl, long flowing blonde hair, a facial bone structure which are to die for, basically the prettiest girl in school. Here in this episode it was revealed that before she came to High School, she was not pretty at all. She was fat, had pimples all over her face and had brown hair (not that there’s anything wrong with brown hair). She even did a nose job to achieve the look that she has right now. This is what she has to say about her experience being that sad little girl.
“I hated the way I look. I had zits, I was chubby, felt terrible about myself. I didn’t have friends, nobody would talk to me. I was the only kid at school who had to dissect their own frogs because nobody would be my lab partner. [Describing the changes she made]. . . I love myself and that’s why I did all those things. I’ve been that girl, and I’m never going back."
Quinn Fabray – Glee “Born This Way”
I believe that this is a topic that really resonates deep inside all of us because, as Santana has so crudely put, there must be things about ourselves that we always want to change. Maybe you want to lose a few more pounds, to have higher cheek bones, wishing to God that you don’t have an entire Amazon of zits on your face or even wishing that you came from another race. And we all know how hard life can be when you don’t look like as good as other people, when you don’t click with other people, when you’re different.
Personally I can really relate to Quinn Fabray, in terms of how she used to hate the way she looked. I didn’t have it as bad as she was (I never wish to have any cosmetic surgeries), but I have to admit that I was fat when I was younger, and I wasn’t remotely athletic at all. I totally suck at sports, and in an environment where most people view that boys should be good at sports it was something that I was really ashamed off. And all these things that I see of myself are the reasons why I strive towards perfection (insecurity post). It is because I was so insecure about myself and the way I look that I tried so hard in order to be that perfect image. Just like how Quinn Fabray tried so hard to change and hide her past so she can be what she is today. I believe that when you see someone who is almost perfect it’s either they are just lucky enough to have it all naturally or they are just extremely insecure that they try so hard to be perfect to satisfy their insecurity and to be able to accept themselves.
When talking about the topic of acceptance I am always a bit confused as sometimes trying to change who you are, like what Santana said, can be a good thing. For me, I tried to lose weight and I picked up certain sports like tennis and swimming and all of those worked for me. Nowadays I can feel much better about myself compared to when I was still in Primary and Junior High School. In the words of Quinn Fabray, I didn’t try to be perfect and change myself solely because of the insecurity and because I hate myself, it is because I love myself that I want to change, that I want to be better.
I believe that acceptance is crucial. You should always try and accept who you are, especially all the things that you can’t change inside or out. But like how you must control your insecurities I believe you should also control your sense of acceptance too, as we all should look at ourselves and try to see the things that we can change to make ourselves into a better person. An example, I was obese last time, If I were to completely accept myself with no other regards, I would have continued being obese and unhealthy for the rest of my life, with risks of heart disease and diabetes haunting me every step of the way. All I’m saying is do not let your sense of acceptance of who you are prevent you from trying to improve yourself as a person.
Acceptance does not only mean towards oneself but also towards others. As we can see from Quinn Fabray’s account, her life was miserable not because she didn’t accept herself, it is because the other kids in school refuses to accept her for who she was and what she looked like, which caused her to hate herself for it. Accepting yourself for who you are is one step, but we should never forget to try and accept other people for who they really are as well. People are born different and who are we to judge them based on their looks and what they have? We all have things that we wish to change about ourselves and so does the people around us, and it will do everyone good if we could try and accept other people for who they are and not give them a miserable time in school or anywhere else just because they are different. We all have certain kinds of people that we prefer to hang out with and that’s perfectly fine. But that shouldn’t stop us from trying to be nice and accepting to everyone, even the people that we can’t really “click” with.
Finally, in the words of Lady Gaga
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Reverie - Claude Debussy
rev·er·ie
noun /ˈrevərē/
1. A state of being pleasantly lost in one's thoughts; a daydream
- a knock on the door broke her reverie
- I slipped into reverie
2. An instrumental piece suggesting a dreamy or musing state
This is the song that I am learning to play right now, it is suppose to be the song that I'm gonna play at some concert my teacher is organizing.
I just love the whole piece! And I really think that the hardest part of learning this song is getting the whole feel of the song and I suppose capturing the image that the song is trying to convey.
At first I was having a hard time learning this song. It's not a fast piece or anything it's just that I was having problems understanding the piece itself. I was trudging through this piece for almost a month already and am stuck in page 3 out of 5 with no significant improvements for around 2 weeks. Finally I listened to this rendition of reverie on youtube and this video opened my eyes to what the music really is about, what I should do and feel when I play the music. Even after listening it for a few times I never get bored of this song, it's just so beautiful. Listening to this made me really want to practice hard and do justice to the piece.
noun /ˈrevərē/
1. A state of being pleasantly lost in one's thoughts; a daydream
- a knock on the door broke her reverie
- I slipped into reverie
2. An instrumental piece suggesting a dreamy or musing state
This is the song that I am learning to play right now, it is suppose to be the song that I'm gonna play at some concert my teacher is organizing.
I just love the whole piece! And I really think that the hardest part of learning this song is getting the whole feel of the song and I suppose capturing the image that the song is trying to convey.
At first I was having a hard time learning this song. It's not a fast piece or anything it's just that I was having problems understanding the piece itself. I was trudging through this piece for almost a month already and am stuck in page 3 out of 5 with no significant improvements for around 2 weeks. Finally I listened to this rendition of reverie on youtube and this video opened my eyes to what the music really is about, what I should do and feel when I play the music. Even after listening it for a few times I never get bored of this song, it's just so beautiful. Listening to this made me really want to practice hard and do justice to the piece.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Peace and Religion - Ting Shao Kuang
I just rediscovered this sketch that I did of another painting by famous painter Ting Shao Kuang. So here I will post both my sketch as well as the original painting.
This was done in the school library during my breaks when I accidentally found a book dedicated to the works of Ting Shao Kuang. Been a fan of his works ever since.
*Sorry if the sketch photo is a bit blur
This was done in the school library during my breaks when I accidentally found a book dedicated to the works of Ting Shao Kuang. Been a fan of his works ever since.
*Sorry if the sketch photo is a bit blur
Hong Kong in Blotches of [Misshapen] Colour
I did another watercolour painting today, but this time I tried a full scene instead of individual objects.
It turned out rather...unfinished, but I'm too lazy to do improvements on it today, maybe I'll do it some other time. I don't really think that this is a good painting (hence the title), but this is my first attempt so yeah, I'll forgive myself. Still getting a hang of using the very liquidy paint instead of the thick oil paint that I am very used to. And gotta work on the shapes shading etc.
I feel that there's not enough striking or strong colours inside the picture which makes it look rather washed out. Still figuring things out with my watercolour set.
Oh in case some of you are wondering why the water was painted green, I myself don't really know, I just want it to be green somehow, rather than the murky ickiness it truly is in real life.
It turned out rather...unfinished, but I'm too lazy to do improvements on it today, maybe I'll do it some other time. I don't really think that this is a good painting (hence the title), but this is my first attempt so yeah, I'll forgive myself. Still getting a hang of using the very liquidy paint instead of the thick oil paint that I am very used to. And gotta work on the shapes shading etc.
I feel that there's not enough striking or strong colours inside the picture which makes it look rather washed out. Still figuring things out with my watercolour set.
Oh in case some of you are wondering why the water was painted green, I myself don't really know, I just want it to be green somehow, rather than the murky ickiness it truly is in real life.
Sonnet II - Edna St.Vincent Millay
Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, -- so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, "There is no memory of him here!"
And so stand stricken, so remembering him!
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, -- so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, "There is no memory of him here!"
And so stand stricken, so remembering him!
The One That Started It All
This is the first ever oil painting that I have ever done in my life! And I suppose this is the painting that started my whole drawing craze, because I never really thought that I could draw or have any artistic talents for that matter. I remembered after painting it, I felt it looked quite OK, but all my friends loved it. And I got 89/100 for that painting! The first time ever I got more than 70 for my art class.
There's another painting that followed this one, the one that was awarded a 95/100! But I am yet to find that painting, fingers crossed that I will find that painting someday.
There's another painting that followed this one, the one that was awarded a 95/100! But I am yet to find that painting, fingers crossed that I will find that painting someday.
Close Encounters of the [Popular] Kind
pop•u•lar•i•ty
/ˌpɒp yəˈlær ɪ ti/ –noun
1.The quality or fact of being popular.
2.The favor of the general public or of a particular group of people: His popularity with television audiences is unrivaled.
On my last post regarding this topic I was writing the basic ‘theories’ of popularity. How to achieve it, Who can achieve it, and even the types of popularity that you can achieve. After going through all the technical stuff I have decided to write something a little bit more personal in this post.
I for one have always been obsessed with popularity. I can’t really remember where this realization came from, but I believe that this obsession started in the first year of Junior High School. Ever since primary school I have always been elected to become class presidents and such, so for me holding important positions within the students population is something that I have gotten used to. I still remember when I first graduated from Primary School and went to my Junior High School, I aspired to be the president of the students’ council, in true fashion of what I have been doing in primary school. And apparently as lady luck would have it, I was elected as the president of the Students’ Council, in my first year in Junior High. This alone was enough to propel my so-called social status up there with all the “it” groups. In a sense for most of my school life I have achieved popularity and in way this made me dependent on it.
This all changed when I went to Singapore after I received my ASEAN Scholarship. Thrown into a new country away from my family and everything that I hold near and dear, it was my worst nightmare. I had the worst ever case of homesickness which basically incapacitated me socially. I become very introvert and only spend time with the friends that I’ve known beforehand, and it was a very small circle of friends. I really thought that It will end my popularity streak, but in the middle of the first year I was elected as a part of the Hostel Committee. This helps a lot, as I get to know more people and it reminded me of the days in my Junior High School, organizing events and such. Ever since I became the hostel committee I was able to open up more to other people, get to know lots more people and finally gaining influence within the society. This will repeat again in my years as a Junior College student in Singapore, I was member of the school choir, elected member of the Students’ Council in my school and I became the president of the Students’ Council in my Hostel. To be honest those two years were the best two years of my life so far!
Ok, enough with the reminiscing, my point is that, being always in the place of advantage in terms of popularity made me understand it more as well as allow me to understand the society better. I guess in my years in primary school and junior high, I achieved the second kind of popularity, the ones that we get by virtue of our position and nothing else. I managed to keep close friends over the years from that stage of my life, but I don’t hold any significance influence towards others who were in my batch. But my years in Singapore I believe it has taught me much more, as those experiences has allowed me to develop my character and to a certain extent achieve the first kind of popularity, the ones that you actually make a real connection with the people around you, enriching yourself and others in the process.
Over the years I have also met people with ambitions such as mine who are not as lucky as me. A lot of my friends are so called social climbers and had what I would call as popularity complex (I myself have this same problem). And I suppose it’s not wrong to want to be popular, it’s not wrong to want to be influential and be more than just a face in the crowd. However what’s wrong is when this obsession becomes you ultimate goal which you will do almost anything just to achieve it. I think the biggest crime that you can do to yourself is to change yourself just so that you can gain the attention of the public just to achieve a superficial popularity.
Popularity is important and does help you to create memorable memories in school or in your community, but superficial popularity is not worth it when you have to change yourself and lose potential good friends who are willing to accept you for who you are. I mean sure you can say that life is unfair as not everyone is gifted with the charm, personality or charisma that will allow you to attain the first type of popularity. But that’s life, and I believe that having a few close friends are much more important than achieving any kinds of popularity. From my experience whenever I am in my most difficult moments, only your best friends are there to support you and walk you through those though times. Without my friends, I don’t think that I could make it through those four years in Singapore. So yeah, popularity is great to have, and it’s OK to pursue, but don’t let that cloud your eyes and judgement from what’s really important in life. True friends.
/ˌpɒp yəˈlær ɪ ti/ –noun
1.The quality or fact of being popular.
2.The favor of the general public or of a particular group of people: His popularity with television audiences is unrivaled.
On my last post regarding this topic I was writing the basic ‘theories’ of popularity. How to achieve it, Who can achieve it, and even the types of popularity that you can achieve. After going through all the technical stuff I have decided to write something a little bit more personal in this post.
I for one have always been obsessed with popularity. I can’t really remember where this realization came from, but I believe that this obsession started in the first year of Junior High School. Ever since primary school I have always been elected to become class presidents and such, so for me holding important positions within the students population is something that I have gotten used to. I still remember when I first graduated from Primary School and went to my Junior High School, I aspired to be the president of the students’ council, in true fashion of what I have been doing in primary school. And apparently as lady luck would have it, I was elected as the president of the Students’ Council, in my first year in Junior High. This alone was enough to propel my so-called social status up there with all the “it” groups. In a sense for most of my school life I have achieved popularity and in way this made me dependent on it.
This all changed when I went to Singapore after I received my ASEAN Scholarship. Thrown into a new country away from my family and everything that I hold near and dear, it was my worst nightmare. I had the worst ever case of homesickness which basically incapacitated me socially. I become very introvert and only spend time with the friends that I’ve known beforehand, and it was a very small circle of friends. I really thought that It will end my popularity streak, but in the middle of the first year I was elected as a part of the Hostel Committee. This helps a lot, as I get to know more people and it reminded me of the days in my Junior High School, organizing events and such. Ever since I became the hostel committee I was able to open up more to other people, get to know lots more people and finally gaining influence within the society. This will repeat again in my years as a Junior College student in Singapore, I was member of the school choir, elected member of the Students’ Council in my school and I became the president of the Students’ Council in my Hostel. To be honest those two years were the best two years of my life so far!
Ok, enough with the reminiscing, my point is that, being always in the place of advantage in terms of popularity made me understand it more as well as allow me to understand the society better. I guess in my years in primary school and junior high, I achieved the second kind of popularity, the ones that we get by virtue of our position and nothing else. I managed to keep close friends over the years from that stage of my life, but I don’t hold any significance influence towards others who were in my batch. But my years in Singapore I believe it has taught me much more, as those experiences has allowed me to develop my character and to a certain extent achieve the first kind of popularity, the ones that you actually make a real connection with the people around you, enriching yourself and others in the process.
Over the years I have also met people with ambitions such as mine who are not as lucky as me. A lot of my friends are so called social climbers and had what I would call as popularity complex (I myself have this same problem). And I suppose it’s not wrong to want to be popular, it’s not wrong to want to be influential and be more than just a face in the crowd. However what’s wrong is when this obsession becomes you ultimate goal which you will do almost anything just to achieve it. I think the biggest crime that you can do to yourself is to change yourself just so that you can gain the attention of the public just to achieve a superficial popularity.
Popularity is important and does help you to create memorable memories in school or in your community, but superficial popularity is not worth it when you have to change yourself and lose potential good friends who are willing to accept you for who you are. I mean sure you can say that life is unfair as not everyone is gifted with the charm, personality or charisma that will allow you to attain the first type of popularity. But that’s life, and I believe that having a few close friends are much more important than achieving any kinds of popularity. From my experience whenever I am in my most difficult moments, only your best friends are there to support you and walk you through those though times. Without my friends, I don’t think that I could make it through those four years in Singapore. So yeah, popularity is great to have, and it’s OK to pursue, but don’t let that cloud your eyes and judgement from what’s really important in life. True friends.
My 15 minute Essay in all its Entirety
This is my answer to a question for the SMU Law Admission Test.It was done in around 15 minutes and am proud to have finished the essay with only that short period of time. I didn't anything even though there are a few grammar mistakes and typos (OMG!! Shit! hopefully they can still understand my points) inside since I did it in such a rush. I am presenting it in its entirety.
*Disclaimer's Notice* : I have no idea whether or not I can post this thing online, as it is a document that was sent to me, and there was no privacy policy that was attached with the document. If by any way I am violating some rules of privacy by SMU,I apologize and I did not do so intentionally and will immediately take down this post.
The question was : “In the struggle between the will of the majority and the right of the individual, the law necessarily leans in favour of the former.” Comment.
I believe that the statement “in the struggle between the will of the majority and the right of the individual, the law necessarily leans in favour of the former” is not completely true. This due to the fact that the law is first created within the society in order to create order and to manage the society itself as a social entity.
Here we must distinguish between the will of the majority with the greater good. Many people would have agreed upon that statement using the logic derived from utilitarianistic principle whereby we always try to take the course of actions that will result in the maximum amount of happiness, or in other words the actions that will promote the greater good rather than the good of the Individuals. Here its is different, as the greater good would mean that it is something that has been established to be good for everyone in the society. For example the policy of underage drinking and putting 18 years old as the lowest age in which someone could actually purchase an alcoholic drink. In a fictional country whereby a lot of the people there are alcoholics and the culture itself tends towards alcoholism whereby the parents does allow their children to take alcohol, the will of the majority might be to make alcohol available to everyone of any age. However as the government of the country they should realize that this will although is the will f the majority and is derived from the tradition of its people is not advantageous for the society as a whole and may even cause a regress in societal development. Therefore here the law must step in restrict the amount of alcohol consumed for the greater good of the society. Hence here we can see a case whereby laws does not always tend towards the will of the majority but rather towards the greater good of the society which is two completely different things.
Individual rights is also important inside a society and therefore will not and should not be neglected by the law. In a society there are constant interactions between individuals and their rights and occasions whereby the rights of the people intersects. The law is built upon creating this balance of individual rights as well as common rights. Without the presence of individual rights the society could work and develop as the people will be extremely tied down and are not respected as individuals. This in turn might cause unhappiness between the people and may cause an uprising within the society, an example is the fall of the USSR. Therefore we can see how even though law works towards promoting the greater good, individual rights must still be respected and preserved, as it is ultimately individuals who built and ensure the sustainability of our society. It is only when an individual is using his or her individual rights to do harm to the society can the law step in to protect the society as a whole, as according to the greater good principle the well being of the society as a whole is more important that the well being of an individual.
In conclusion, the law does not tend towards favoring the will of the majority, but rather the greater good of the society which must be distinguished. Individual rights are also important within a society as individuals are ultimately the back bone of the society and protecting their rights will ensure the presence of a social stability and promote the greater good for the society. Hence, the law is not favouring both individual rights of the will of the majority but rather the greater good for the society itself.
*Disclaimer's Notice* : I have no idea whether or not I can post this thing online, as it is a document that was sent to me, and there was no privacy policy that was attached with the document. If by any way I am violating some rules of privacy by SMU,I apologize and I did not do so intentionally and will immediately take down this post.
The question was : “In the struggle between the will of the majority and the right of the individual, the law necessarily leans in favour of the former.” Comment.
I believe that the statement “in the struggle between the will of the majority and the right of the individual, the law necessarily leans in favour of the former” is not completely true. This due to the fact that the law is first created within the society in order to create order and to manage the society itself as a social entity.
Here we must distinguish between the will of the majority with the greater good. Many people would have agreed upon that statement using the logic derived from utilitarianistic principle whereby we always try to take the course of actions that will result in the maximum amount of happiness, or in other words the actions that will promote the greater good rather than the good of the Individuals. Here its is different, as the greater good would mean that it is something that has been established to be good for everyone in the society. For example the policy of underage drinking and putting 18 years old as the lowest age in which someone could actually purchase an alcoholic drink. In a fictional country whereby a lot of the people there are alcoholics and the culture itself tends towards alcoholism whereby the parents does allow their children to take alcohol, the will of the majority might be to make alcohol available to everyone of any age. However as the government of the country they should realize that this will although is the will f the majority and is derived from the tradition of its people is not advantageous for the society as a whole and may even cause a regress in societal development. Therefore here the law must step in restrict the amount of alcohol consumed for the greater good of the society. Hence here we can see a case whereby laws does not always tend towards the will of the majority but rather towards the greater good of the society which is two completely different things.
Individual rights is also important inside a society and therefore will not and should not be neglected by the law. In a society there are constant interactions between individuals and their rights and occasions whereby the rights of the people intersects. The law is built upon creating this balance of individual rights as well as common rights. Without the presence of individual rights the society could work and develop as the people will be extremely tied down and are not respected as individuals. This in turn might cause unhappiness between the people and may cause an uprising within the society, an example is the fall of the USSR. Therefore we can see how even though law works towards promoting the greater good, individual rights must still be respected and preserved, as it is ultimately individuals who built and ensure the sustainability of our society. It is only when an individual is using his or her individual rights to do harm to the society can the law step in to protect the society as a whole, as according to the greater good principle the well being of the society as a whole is more important that the well being of an individual.
In conclusion, the law does not tend towards favoring the will of the majority, but rather the greater good of the society which must be distinguished. Individual rights are also important within a society as individuals are ultimately the back bone of the society and protecting their rights will ensure the presence of a social stability and promote the greater good for the society. Hence, the law is not favouring both individual rights of the will of the majority but rather the greater good for the society itself.
Monday, April 25, 2011
More Watercolour
Just did 2 more drawings with my watercolour set!
This one is done based on a photo my friend took, but due to the lack of resolution from my BlackBerry I was only able to try and copy the branches and the rest of the details are made up. I am still trying to experiment using watercolour and all, so am focusing on trying to paint independent objects first before going towards a whole watercolour picture.
While this one is done out of impulse with cherry blossoms in mind. However I used red instead as I wanna see how the red will go together with the black branches (I dunno how to create the pink as of now). I kind of like how things turned out for this one.
Oh, this is the watercolour set that I am currently using. As you can see its not a proper paint and brush thing so I am having difficulty in trying to create mixed colour as I am not familiar with using this set.
This one is done based on a photo my friend took, but due to the lack of resolution from my BlackBerry I was only able to try and copy the branches and the rest of the details are made up. I am still trying to experiment using watercolour and all, so am focusing on trying to paint independent objects first before going towards a whole watercolour picture.
While this one is done out of impulse with cherry blossoms in mind. However I used red instead as I wanna see how the red will go together with the black branches (I dunno how to create the pink as of now). I kind of like how things turned out for this one.
Oh, this is the watercolour set that I am currently using. As you can see its not a proper paint and brush thing so I am having difficulty in trying to create mixed colour as I am not familiar with using this set.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
First Attempt at Watercolour Painting
This is my first ever attempt at using the watercolour set my friends have given me for my birthday.
I like how things turned out when I first tried to create the branches and the soil. I love how you can easily layer and mix the colours. However, for experiment sake, I tried to add some green for the leaves afterwards. But in the end I feel that my decision to add the green ruined the whole thing, or at least for me, as some of my friends still thinks that it looks quite OK.
I like how things turned out when I first tried to create the branches and the soil. I love how you can easily layer and mix the colours. However, for experiment sake, I tried to add some green for the leaves afterwards. But in the end I feel that my decision to add the green ruined the whole thing, or at least for me, as some of my friends still thinks that it looks quite OK.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
The Hippopotamus - T.S.Eliot
THE BROAD-BACKED hippopotamus
Rests on his belly in the mud;
Although he seems so firm to us
He is merely flesh and blood.
Flesh and blood is weak and frail,
Susceptible to nervous shock;
While the True Church can never fail
For it is based upon a rock.
The hippo’s feeble steps may err
In compassing material ends,
While the True Church need never stir
To gather in its dividends.
The ’potamus can never reach
The mango on the mango-tree;
But fruits of pomegranate and peach
Refresh the Church from over sea.
At mating time the hippo’s voice
Betrays inflexions hoarse and odd,
But every week we hear rejoice
The Church, at being one with God.
The hippopotamus’s day
Is passed in sleep; at night he hunts;
God works in a mysterious way—
The Church can sleep and feed at once.
I saw the ’potamus take wing
Ascending from the damp savannas,
And quiring angels round him sing
The praise of God, in loud hosannas.
Blood of the Lamb shall wash him clean
And him shall heavenly arms enfold,
Among the saints he shall be seen
Performing on a harp of gold.
He shall be washed as white as snow,
By all the martyr’d virgins kist,
While the True Church remains below
Wrapt in the old miasmal mist.
Rests on his belly in the mud;
Although he seems so firm to us
He is merely flesh and blood.
Flesh and blood is weak and frail,
Susceptible to nervous shock;
While the True Church can never fail
For it is based upon a rock.
The hippo’s feeble steps may err
In compassing material ends,
While the True Church need never stir
To gather in its dividends.
The ’potamus can never reach
The mango on the mango-tree;
But fruits of pomegranate and peach
Refresh the Church from over sea.
At mating time the hippo’s voice
Betrays inflexions hoarse and odd,
But every week we hear rejoice
The Church, at being one with God.
The hippopotamus’s day
Is passed in sleep; at night he hunts;
God works in a mysterious way—
The Church can sleep and feed at once.
I saw the ’potamus take wing
Ascending from the damp savannas,
And quiring angels round him sing
The praise of God, in loud hosannas.
Blood of the Lamb shall wash him clean
And him shall heavenly arms enfold,
Among the saints he shall be seen
Performing on a harp of gold.
He shall be washed as white as snow,
By all the martyr’d virgins kist,
While the True Church remains below
Wrapt in the old miasmal mist.
Proof
Catherine : I think we should call it a night.
Robert : Look, read out the first couple of lines we go line by line out loud through the argument see if theres a better way, a shorter way.
Catherine : No, come on tomorrow.
Robert : I've waited years for this goddammit lets do some work together.
Catherine : Dad i think we should get some sleep.
Robert : Not until we talk about the proof.
Catherine : Dad i don't want to talk about the proof.
Robert : GODDAMNIT OPEN THE GODDAMN BOOK! READ ME THE LINES! (Beat. Catherine opens the book. She reads slowly without inflection.)
Catherine :Let X equals the quantity of all quantities of X. Let X equals the cold. It is cold in December. The months of cold equal November trough February. There are four months of cold and four months of heat, leaving four months of indeterminate temperature. In February it snows. In March the Lake is a lake of ice. In september the students come back and the bookstores are full. Let X equal the month of full bookstores. The number of books approaches infinity as the number of months of cold approaches fourr. I will never be as cold now as I will in the future. The future of cold is infinite. The future of heat is the future of cold. The bookstores are infinite and so are never full except in september... (She stops reading and slowly closes the book)
Robert : I'm exhausted.
- Proof by David Auburn -
(With dialogue from the movie and theatrical references from the play.)
Insecurity
in•se•cu•ri•ty
/ˌɪn sɪˈkyʊər ɪ ti/
–noun, plural -ties.
1.lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt: He is plagued by insecurity.
2.the quality or state of being insecure; instability: the insecurity of her financial position
3.something insecure: the many insecurities of life.
You know how sometimes you see other people and you wish that you could be just like them? To just want to have what they have or achieve what they achieve. It’s like by looking at that person you started to see yourself in the mirror and reflect. Seeing your flaws and seeing what you have yet to achieve so far in your short life. I don’t know about others but for me it causes stirs of undercurrents deep within me. Every time I see someone whom I think is better than me at something, a monster wakes up and feeds from my self-esteem.
I know that I might sound shallow but for me, physical appearance matters a lot and it is actually one of my deepest underlying insecurities. I’m not completely vain or anything it’s just that it’s very hard for me to actually feel confident about the way I look. I know that I’m not the best looking one in the lot, and I suppose I never really felt satisfied with the way I look and all. This whole spark of insecurities came up when I saw some actor and kind of wished that I could have had his life. Silly, I know, and yet don’t we all feel that way sometimes?
Some of my friends know that I have this obsession to be absolutely perfect in every way possible. This is the reason why I take up a lot of stuff, from piano, painting, tennis, to student leadership. I can’t really remember when this whole obsession started but since I was small I already have this need to achieve and excel in everything that I do. Call me over-ambitious but that’s just me. Looking at it from my point of view right now, it’s like I am stuck in an infinite loop. My insecurities caused me to have this ambition towards perfection and my ambition continues to fuel these insecurities as one knows that there is no way for a person to be perfect in every way, there will always be a way to improve and to better yourself.
When we look at ourselves in the mirror we always know that there are always things that we could improve on, be it in terms of our physical appearances, characters or even our lives. And I know how hard it is to try and accept the things that you cannot change. Insecurities are always present in every human whether or not they admit it. It’s a part of what makes us human. The fact that none of us are perfect will always give us some room for improvement for ourselves, some things for us to covet, some things we wish to change.
When managed properly and controlled, insecurities can actually be good for us as sometimes insecurities will help you to reflect and see the things that you could do to improve yourself. However when insecurities get out of hand that’s when it becomes a monster that will start to devour you from within (I keep referring to bad things as monsters for lack of a better word). When left unchecked insecurities can grow like cancer, attacking your vital self esteem, crippling it and may cause you to completely lose confidence of yourself and what you can do.
None of us are perfect and we should accept that. Even in my case as much as I strive for perfection I do realize that this is a futile quest. The reason that I am still on it is because it allows me to push myself beyond boundaries, get me out of my comfort zone to expand my horizons, and hopefully allow me to be the best that I can be. I know that I can never be a handsome actor or model, and yet I don’t hate myself for it. I feel pangs of insecurities here and there, but I know that it will pass, so long as I still respect myself for who I am and be confident of myself (and how I look). Sometimes insecurities can seem like a big scary monster but we all have the choice and the power to control it. It is when you can finally come to terms with the things that you cannot change and respect yourself no matter what that you can control the monsters of insecurities.
/ˌɪn sɪˈkyʊər ɪ ti/
–noun, plural -ties.
1.lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt: He is plagued by insecurity.
2.the quality or state of being insecure; instability: the insecurity of her financial position
3.something insecure: the many insecurities of life.
You know how sometimes you see other people and you wish that you could be just like them? To just want to have what they have or achieve what they achieve. It’s like by looking at that person you started to see yourself in the mirror and reflect. Seeing your flaws and seeing what you have yet to achieve so far in your short life. I don’t know about others but for me it causes stirs of undercurrents deep within me. Every time I see someone whom I think is better than me at something, a monster wakes up and feeds from my self-esteem.
I know that I might sound shallow but for me, physical appearance matters a lot and it is actually one of my deepest underlying insecurities. I’m not completely vain or anything it’s just that it’s very hard for me to actually feel confident about the way I look. I know that I’m not the best looking one in the lot, and I suppose I never really felt satisfied with the way I look and all. This whole spark of insecurities came up when I saw some actor and kind of wished that I could have had his life. Silly, I know, and yet don’t we all feel that way sometimes?
Some of my friends know that I have this obsession to be absolutely perfect in every way possible. This is the reason why I take up a lot of stuff, from piano, painting, tennis, to student leadership. I can’t really remember when this whole obsession started but since I was small I already have this need to achieve and excel in everything that I do. Call me over-ambitious but that’s just me. Looking at it from my point of view right now, it’s like I am stuck in an infinite loop. My insecurities caused me to have this ambition towards perfection and my ambition continues to fuel these insecurities as one knows that there is no way for a person to be perfect in every way, there will always be a way to improve and to better yourself.
When we look at ourselves in the mirror we always know that there are always things that we could improve on, be it in terms of our physical appearances, characters or even our lives. And I know how hard it is to try and accept the things that you cannot change. Insecurities are always present in every human whether or not they admit it. It’s a part of what makes us human. The fact that none of us are perfect will always give us some room for improvement for ourselves, some things for us to covet, some things we wish to change.
When managed properly and controlled, insecurities can actually be good for us as sometimes insecurities will help you to reflect and see the things that you could do to improve yourself. However when insecurities get out of hand that’s when it becomes a monster that will start to devour you from within (I keep referring to bad things as monsters for lack of a better word). When left unchecked insecurities can grow like cancer, attacking your vital self esteem, crippling it and may cause you to completely lose confidence of yourself and what you can do.
None of us are perfect and we should accept that. Even in my case as much as I strive for perfection I do realize that this is a futile quest. The reason that I am still on it is because it allows me to push myself beyond boundaries, get me out of my comfort zone to expand my horizons, and hopefully allow me to be the best that I can be. I know that I can never be a handsome actor or model, and yet I don’t hate myself for it. I feel pangs of insecurities here and there, but I know that it will pass, so long as I still respect myself for who I am and be confident of myself (and how I look). Sometimes insecurities can seem like a big scary monster but we all have the choice and the power to control it. It is when you can finally come to terms with the things that you cannot change and respect yourself no matter what that you can control the monsters of insecurities.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Popularity
pop•u•lar•i•ty
/ˌpɒp yəˈlær ɪ ti/ –noun
1.The quality or fact of being popular.
2.The favor of the general public or of a particular group ofpeople: His popularity with television audiences is unrivaled.
This is supposed to be the first post in what I believe will become a series of two (or more) posts. And in case you are wondering, yes I do have too much free time on my hand.
This whole train of thought started when my friend was complaining about her friend (she-who-must-not-be-named) and the way she acts and treats other people around her. According to her story, this girl acts as if she’s the biggest thing that has ever happened to her school. And it doesn’t stop there. This girl would mock other people around her whom she felt is less compared to her. She cheats to attain good grades and then mocks other students who aren’t doing as well as she is. Furthermore she also mocks other people who are not as well off as she is, judging people from their financial status (talk about materialism).
I guess hearing these stories about her being such a vexatious (yup, got this one from thesaurus under ‘annoying’) person got me thinking about why is she like that, what is she trying to achieve? There are countless of explanations towards why some people can behave like that. But from my point of view which is shaped by the stories that my friend told me I believe she is trying to achieve what most teenagers would be trying to achieve. Popularity.
This is what many believe to be the holy grail of teenage life. A lot of teenagers felt that being popular is be all and end all of the teenage life and many strived to achieve this so called popular status. I have to admit that being popular does give you a lot of advantages and privileges. Being popular makes it easier for you to make friends as well express your opinion because people have known you beforehand (or at least your name and who you are) and therefore regards you with some degree of respect as compared to some obscure school mate whom nobody remembers or takes seriously. Due to this fact popular kids tend to have far reaching influences on the student population, and this I believe is by far the biggest perk that you can get from being popular.
This subject have been immortalised in countless pop-culture references. One that I'm going to refer to is from the TV series Glee. Glee's depiction of high school life is a hyperbole and simplified depiction of the presence of social chaste inside a community. On one hand you have the jocks and the cheerleaders, the most powerful and influential (the so-called "it" group). While on the other hand you have the glee kids (the ones who are neither a cheerleader nor a jock) who are deemed as losers, the outcasts, and therefore are rejected by the rest of the school population. The big picture is mostly like that, but I believe that this subject on popularity is much more complex than what is depicted in Glee.
First of all there are two types of people who can achieve popularity. The first group of people are the lucky ones. They are somehow gifted with some special charm, charisma or just simply a great personality which will make them an instant hit in any community. These people can attain popularity just by being inside a particular community. While the second group of people are the ones that worked hard to achieve popularity, aka the social climbers. They are the group of people who will try anything, from befriending the popular people hoping the popularity can rub off to them, trying to achieve various positions within the student population (Cheerleaders, Students’ Council, Jocks), to even creating countless personas to suit the needs of the community and become more popular.
Honestly, I was having a hard time tackling this particular subject as I myself have never had any full understanding of what it really is. As you can see the dictionary definition does not help at all as the human social life is not as straightforward. After lots of pondering and chatting with my friends I kind of feel we were finally able to break it down. We concluded that, not only that there are two types of people that can attain popularity through different means, but there are also two types of popularity that resulted from the two different methods of achieving popularity.
For the first group of people, the ones who attain popularity naturally, by virtue of their charm, charisma and or personality, they will attain what I believe is true popularity. This true popularity is when you can relate to a lot of people and vice versa, allowing you to garner influence and have a huge social circle. People who obtained this kind of popularity will still be able to maintain their influence towards the different individuals even after school is over as they manage to build real connections with people through their personality. While for the second group of people (social climbers) will only attain superficial popularity. I mean sure everyone knows them and all and they may have quite an influence within the student population. But once you are out of school that’s the end of your influence towards the individual. Superficial popularity works by making you popular through the things you have or the positions that you hold. So the cheerleaders and the jocks in Glee, they have what I would think as superficial popularity, as they are only popular by virtue of their position within the students population and not by making real connections with the people around them.
A little disclaimer's notice, all of what's written here is pure guess work from the observations that my friends and I have made through our various encounters with different social groups, so its not like I've done research or anything.
/ˌpɒp yəˈlær ɪ ti/ –noun
1.The quality or fact of being popular.
2.The favor of the general public or of a particular group ofpeople: His popularity with television audiences is unrivaled.
This is supposed to be the first post in what I believe will become a series of two (or more) posts. And in case you are wondering, yes I do have too much free time on my hand.
This whole train of thought started when my friend was complaining about her friend (she-who-must-not-be-named) and the way she acts and treats other people around her. According to her story, this girl acts as if she’s the biggest thing that has ever happened to her school. And it doesn’t stop there. This girl would mock other people around her whom she felt is less compared to her. She cheats to attain good grades and then mocks other students who aren’t doing as well as she is. Furthermore she also mocks other people who are not as well off as she is, judging people from their financial status (talk about materialism).
I guess hearing these stories about her being such a vexatious (yup, got this one from thesaurus under ‘annoying’) person got me thinking about why is she like that, what is she trying to achieve? There are countless of explanations towards why some people can behave like that. But from my point of view which is shaped by the stories that my friend told me I believe she is trying to achieve what most teenagers would be trying to achieve. Popularity.
This is what many believe to be the holy grail of teenage life. A lot of teenagers felt that being popular is be all and end all of the teenage life and many strived to achieve this so called popular status. I have to admit that being popular does give you a lot of advantages and privileges. Being popular makes it easier for you to make friends as well express your opinion because people have known you beforehand (or at least your name and who you are) and therefore regards you with some degree of respect as compared to some obscure school mate whom nobody remembers or takes seriously. Due to this fact popular kids tend to have far reaching influences on the student population, and this I believe is by far the biggest perk that you can get from being popular.
This subject have been immortalised in countless pop-culture references. One that I'm going to refer to is from the TV series Glee. Glee's depiction of high school life is a hyperbole and simplified depiction of the presence of social chaste inside a community. On one hand you have the jocks and the cheerleaders, the most powerful and influential (the so-called "it" group). While on the other hand you have the glee kids (the ones who are neither a cheerleader nor a jock) who are deemed as losers, the outcasts, and therefore are rejected by the rest of the school population. The big picture is mostly like that, but I believe that this subject on popularity is much more complex than what is depicted in Glee.
First of all there are two types of people who can achieve popularity. The first group of people are the lucky ones. They are somehow gifted with some special charm, charisma or just simply a great personality which will make them an instant hit in any community. These people can attain popularity just by being inside a particular community. While the second group of people are the ones that worked hard to achieve popularity, aka the social climbers. They are the group of people who will try anything, from befriending the popular people hoping the popularity can rub off to them, trying to achieve various positions within the student population (Cheerleaders, Students’ Council, Jocks), to even creating countless personas to suit the needs of the community and become more popular.
Honestly, I was having a hard time tackling this particular subject as I myself have never had any full understanding of what it really is. As you can see the dictionary definition does not help at all as the human social life is not as straightforward. After lots of pondering and chatting with my friends I kind of feel we were finally able to break it down. We concluded that, not only that there are two types of people that can attain popularity through different means, but there are also two types of popularity that resulted from the two different methods of achieving popularity.
For the first group of people, the ones who attain popularity naturally, by virtue of their charm, charisma and or personality, they will attain what I believe is true popularity. This true popularity is when you can relate to a lot of people and vice versa, allowing you to garner influence and have a huge social circle. People who obtained this kind of popularity will still be able to maintain their influence towards the different individuals even after school is over as they manage to build real connections with people through their personality. While for the second group of people (social climbers) will only attain superficial popularity. I mean sure everyone knows them and all and they may have quite an influence within the student population. But once you are out of school that’s the end of your influence towards the individual. Superficial popularity works by making you popular through the things you have or the positions that you hold. So the cheerleaders and the jocks in Glee, they have what I would think as superficial popularity, as they are only popular by virtue of their position within the students population and not by making real connections with the people around them.
A little disclaimer's notice, all of what's written here is pure guess work from the observations that my friends and I have made through our various encounters with different social groups, so its not like I've done research or anything.
Finally!
I was so happy when my friend finally sent over this picture! This is a sketch that I did that I gave to her as a parting gift back in Singapore around last year. This drawing was done in charcoal and colour pencil to give the tinge of colour which may be a bit hard to see from this particular photo of the sketch. I really liked this one and am still really happy that I can obtain a photo of the sketch!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Even More Drawings
Seriously I really don't know how many drawings I've done last year, more of these things keeps popping out in my old notebooks and sketchbooks! Nevertheless I am glad that I've found them and am able to post them here.
This one is actually a copy of the leaf sketch that I did before, only this one is coloured. There are a few distinct differences in the leaf shape and all, guess I wasn't that detailed when I was copying the basic leaf shape. My friends said that it looked 3D enough from afar, and yet when you look at it closely it's not as realistic as it seems. I suppose its due to the lack of depth in the colouration. Hope to be able to improve on that on my future drawings.
While this one is a random charcoal drawing of a harbour scene. If I remember correctly I copied this from a drawing somewhere. The whole thing looks kind of nice but if you really look at it closely there are still problems regarding the shading, perspective, as well as angles of the elements inside the picture.
This one is actually a copy of the leaf sketch that I did before, only this one is coloured. There are a few distinct differences in the leaf shape and all, guess I wasn't that detailed when I was copying the basic leaf shape. My friends said that it looked 3D enough from afar, and yet when you look at it closely it's not as realistic as it seems. I suppose its due to the lack of depth in the colouration. Hope to be able to improve on that on my future drawings.
While this one is a random charcoal drawing of a harbour scene. If I remember correctly I copied this from a drawing somewhere. The whole thing looks kind of nice but if you really look at it closely there are still problems regarding the shading, perspective, as well as angles of the elements inside the picture.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Carpet Weavers, Morocco - Carol Rumens
The children are at the loom of another world.
Their braids are oiled and black, their dresses bright.
Their assorted heights would make a melodious chime.
They watch their flickering knots like television.
As the garden of Islam grows, the bench will be raised.
Then they will lace the dark-rose veins of the tree-tops.
The carpet will travel in the merchant’s truck.
It will be spread by the servants of the mosque.
Deep and soft, it will give when heaped with prayer.
The children are hard at work in the school of days.
From their fingers the colours of all-that-will-be fly
and freeze into the frame of all-that-was.
Their braids are oiled and black, their dresses bright.
Their assorted heights would make a melodious chime.
They watch their flickering knots like television.
As the garden of Islam grows, the bench will be raised.
Then they will lace the dark-rose veins of the tree-tops.
The carpet will travel in the merchant’s truck.
It will be spread by the servants of the mosque.
Deep and soft, it will give when heaped with prayer.
The children are hard at work in the school of days.
From their fingers the colours of all-that-will-be fly
and freeze into the frame of all-that-was.
Materialism
ma•te•ri•al•ism
noun \mə-ˈtir-ē-ə-ˌli-zəm\
1. Philosophy. (you can ignore this one). The theory that physical matter is the only reality and that everything, including thought, feeling, mind, and will, can be explained in terms of matter and physical phenomena.
2. The theory or attitude that physical well-being and worldly possessions constitute the greatest good and highest value in life.
3. A great or excessive regard for worldly concerns.
Today I went out with my 2 small cousins (age 7 and 9), alongside with their mother and auntie. They just came from central Java last Saturday and are staying at their grandparents’ place. It took us quite a while to find the house as apparently it’s located in quite a remote corner of the Karawaci area. On the way there, we entered this residential area with narrow roads and small houses. Their humble abode is a small one and sparsely decorated. I guess you can see from their home that they don’t really have that much. I mean I’m not one to judge a person by what they have but it’s just that I can’t help but notice these kind of things.
When we arrived they were already waiting for us in front of the house waving, smiling, and I suppose relieved that we finally found the place (we went round and round inside the Karawaci area for almost 45 minutes before finding the house). It was a very warm welcome that greeted us, the grandparents all came out and shook our hands firmly one by one, wearing a big smile on their face, evidently very delighted that we’ve visited their home. From this welcome alone, I can’t help but admire them. Like how proud they are of who they are and what they have even though it’s not much at all. They don't judge themselves and others based on materialistic values. I do respect them with all my heart but I can't help but feeling a little sense of pity towards them, the longing of wanting them to be able experience what I've experienced and to have what I have. And yet they deserve none of it. Their presence commands no pity whatsoever to be given to them, they are entirely satisfied, proud and happy with their lives, with what they have and what they and their children have achieved (I remember the grandmother saying with so much pride that one of her children now works in a department store as a salesgirl. That scene truly made me respect her and her family even more).
When I see people like my cousin’s grandparents I think to myself. How can they be satisfied with what they have now? Seeing other people who are doing so much better than them, how can they still be so proud of who they are, so happy, so satisfied with life? And then I realized that the question I’m supposed to be asking is How can I NOT be satisfied with what I have now? Seeing where I am, how can I NOT be proud of who I am, NOT satisfied, NOT happy with life? These days all I do is compare myself with other people and I guess letting out that little green monster every time I see a person who possess things that I long for, got into a better university than me, or achieved more in life than I already have. Why can’t I just be like my cousins’ grandparents?
Materialism is an obsession towards materialistic things, not only things associated with money but also power, and social status. It is a rampant monster here amidst of our society. In this day and age more and more people are obsessed with materialistic values and properties, and it is not uncommon for us to find people who judge other people based on materialistic values and properties.
I hate materialism and sometimes advise my friends against picking up materialistic values. But my experience with my cousins’ grandparents stopped me in my track and made me look into a mirror and see that I myself am not free of this monster called materialism. Not very grateful of what I have and noticing what people have and don’t haves, and even though I said I don’t judge people based on those things but I believe the fact that I notice these things about people means that to a certain extent it does affect how I view other people. Wanting things is not wrong. To want to achieve a better standard of living is perfectly fine. It’s just that when you start to get a little obsessed about it, start to take the things that you have for granted, start to look at people through this lens of materialistic values and forgetting other values. That’s materialism.
I do have a thing or two to learn from my cousins’ grandparents (the phrase “can you practice what you preach” from Black Eyed Peas song 'Where is the love' just took a whole new meaning for me) and I am utterly (and completely) humbled by them, we all should be. Tomorrow I am going out with my cousins again, and this time I’m really looking forward towards meeting their grandparents, being graced by their presence and visiting their humble abode.
noun \mə-ˈtir-ē-ə-ˌli-zəm\
1. Philosophy. (you can ignore this one). The theory that physical matter is the only reality and that everything, including thought, feeling, mind, and will, can be explained in terms of matter and physical phenomena.
2. The theory or attitude that physical well-being and worldly possessions constitute the greatest good and highest value in life.
3. A great or excessive regard for worldly concerns.
Today I went out with my 2 small cousins (age 7 and 9), alongside with their mother and auntie. They just came from central Java last Saturday and are staying at their grandparents’ place. It took us quite a while to find the house as apparently it’s located in quite a remote corner of the Karawaci area. On the way there, we entered this residential area with narrow roads and small houses. Their humble abode is a small one and sparsely decorated. I guess you can see from their home that they don’t really have that much. I mean I’m not one to judge a person by what they have but it’s just that I can’t help but notice these kind of things.
When we arrived they were already waiting for us in front of the house waving, smiling, and I suppose relieved that we finally found the place (we went round and round inside the Karawaci area for almost 45 minutes before finding the house). It was a very warm welcome that greeted us, the grandparents all came out and shook our hands firmly one by one, wearing a big smile on their face, evidently very delighted that we’ve visited their home. From this welcome alone, I can’t help but admire them. Like how proud they are of who they are and what they have even though it’s not much at all. They don't judge themselves and others based on materialistic values. I do respect them with all my heart but I can't help but feeling a little sense of pity towards them, the longing of wanting them to be able experience what I've experienced and to have what I have. And yet they deserve none of it. Their presence commands no pity whatsoever to be given to them, they are entirely satisfied, proud and happy with their lives, with what they have and what they and their children have achieved (I remember the grandmother saying with so much pride that one of her children now works in a department store as a salesgirl. That scene truly made me respect her and her family even more).
When I see people like my cousin’s grandparents I think to myself. How can they be satisfied with what they have now? Seeing other people who are doing so much better than them, how can they still be so proud of who they are, so happy, so satisfied with life? And then I realized that the question I’m supposed to be asking is How can I NOT be satisfied with what I have now? Seeing where I am, how can I NOT be proud of who I am, NOT satisfied, NOT happy with life? These days all I do is compare myself with other people and I guess letting out that little green monster every time I see a person who possess things that I long for, got into a better university than me, or achieved more in life than I already have. Why can’t I just be like my cousins’ grandparents?
Materialism is an obsession towards materialistic things, not only things associated with money but also power, and social status. It is a rampant monster here amidst of our society. In this day and age more and more people are obsessed with materialistic values and properties, and it is not uncommon for us to find people who judge other people based on materialistic values and properties.
I hate materialism and sometimes advise my friends against picking up materialistic values. But my experience with my cousins’ grandparents stopped me in my track and made me look into a mirror and see that I myself am not free of this monster called materialism. Not very grateful of what I have and noticing what people have and don’t haves, and even though I said I don’t judge people based on those things but I believe the fact that I notice these things about people means that to a certain extent it does affect how I view other people. Wanting things is not wrong. To want to achieve a better standard of living is perfectly fine. It’s just that when you start to get a little obsessed about it, start to take the things that you have for granted, start to look at people through this lens of materialistic values and forgetting other values. That’s materialism.
I do have a thing or two to learn from my cousins’ grandparents (the phrase “can you practice what you preach” from Black Eyed Peas song 'Where is the love' just took a whole new meaning for me) and I am utterly (and completely) humbled by them, we all should be. Tomorrow I am going out with my cousins again, and this time I’m really looking forward towards meeting their grandparents, being graced by their presence and visiting their humble abode.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Rediscovering Old Sketches
Yesterday night I was rummaging through the stuff I brought back from Singapore (trying to find a treasure trove of poems from my Literature Class) when I stumbled upon these few sketches hidden inside notebooks and the likes of them. Not exactly what I had been looking for, but nevertheless I am happy that I found these and am able to post them here.
The three sketches above were done at around 30,000 feet above sea level when I was in a plane from Singapore to Washington DC for my school's Leadership exchange program. The last sketch is actually a remake of another sketch i did using charcoal and coloured pencil which is actually a remake of an oil painting (Lost, sadly) I did for my Art Final exam in Junior High School.
These sketches above and below were done during some self-help-personality-thing lecture which I find rather boring and useless (hence the birth of these drawings). The reason why I split them up into two sections is simple. I like the ones above better and don't really like the ones below. The first sketch is actually a drawing of the Lecture Theatre (LT) where we had the lecture. When I posted that picture on my Facebook page one of my friends commented that he recognized the picture as the LT and that made me happy.
The three sketches above were done at around 30,000 feet above sea level when I was in a plane from Singapore to Washington DC for my school's Leadership exchange program. The last sketch is actually a remake of another sketch i did using charcoal and coloured pencil which is actually a remake of an oil painting (Lost, sadly) I did for my Art Final exam in Junior High School.
These sketches above and below were done during some self-help-personality-thing lecture which I find rather boring and useless (hence the birth of these drawings). The reason why I split them up into two sections is simple. I like the ones above better and don't really like the ones below. The first sketch is actually a drawing of the Lecture Theatre (LT) where we had the lecture. When I posted that picture on my Facebook page one of my friends commented that he recognized the picture as the LT and that made me happy.
Valentine - Carol Ann Duffy
Not a red rose or a satin heart.
I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.
Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.
I am trying to be truthful.
Not a cute card or a kissogram.
I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.
Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding-ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.
I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.
Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.
I am trying to be truthful.
Not a cute card or a kissogram.
I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.
Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding-ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Dipping My Toes Into The Cold Waters of Creative Writing
in•no•cence
[in-uh-suh ns] –noun
1.The quality or state of being innocent; freedom from sin ormoral wrong.
2.Freedom from legal or specific wrong; guiltlessness: Theprisoner proved his innocence.
3.Simplicity; absence of guile or cunning; naiveté.
Do you ever wish that you can turn back time and
go back to being a small little kid?
Sheltered and protected.
When the world was so much simpler when
we are free to roam the vast fields of our imagination, sail
through the seas of creativity,
opening treasure troves of new discoveries and
fight the monsters of our own fear.
To be free of responsibility, of life's
hardships. To laugh, love and cry at our hearts content
allowing our emotions to flow unobstructed
like the Nile cutting its way through Egypt.
To have the sky of dreams above your head and
the solid ground of life under your feet.
I do.
I think that my years as a small kid were truly the happiest time of my life. It was back when life was perfect, when I was still too young to sense the deep undercurrents in my parent's relationship that would eventually broke the dam of their marriage. It was when life truly felt like it was worth living.
Back then, we didn't really stay in a proper house, so our family stayed in quite a small building which can double up as a shop. We didn't really have much at that point in time. But it didn't matter. For me, as long as there's still a roof above my head, a bed to sleep on, food to keep me from going hungry and of course my family to love me and keep me save, life was as it should be.
We had quite a few neighbours at that time as quite a lot of people also lived in the buildings next to us and all around us. We were never a close knit community but it never mattered for us children. Every afternoon when the sun has started its descent, when an orange colour started to seep into its rounded form, the kids come out to play. As children we always have the uncanny capability of making friends almost instantaneously. A few brief introductions of who we are and off we go playing together like we've been playing together forever. It was our innocence that allows us to trust so willingly, to make friends with anyone not caring who they are or where they come from, something I believe we all should revive amidst today’s world of judgements.
As kids it was never a matter of what should we do today, but rather what can't we do today. Skipping rope, hide and seek, hopscotch, or just a simple game of tag. Our imagination takes us to places no man has ever discovered. Sailing through the seven seas as pirates of the Caribbean, discovering hidden treasures in hidden tombs of our own making a la Indiana Jones, and of course our favourite, the game of pretend whereby some of us takes on adult roles as teachers, chefs and any other profession you could ever dreamed off. Now that I look back at my early childhood days it always fascinates me how as children, we really loved to pretend and take on adult roles that we see in our daily lives. There’s this fascination for us as children seeing the vast and unknown adult world, the myriad of things that you could do as an adult as well as the authority that you have as an adult, free to be who you are and never restricted, unlike us children. We never really realize how lucky we were as children, and how free we truly are as compared to adults.
Our innocence and our imagination can take us anywhere we wanted to go and find friends in the most uncanny situations. However it also allows us to create monsters from simple fear and misunderstanding. This was especially true when it came to the old man living just down the street from where we used to play. He was a quiet man if I do remember correctly, rarely talks to anyone beyond that is necessary. His face is ridden with gorges, valleys and canyons carved by the passage of time. We used to have a game of guessing how old the man really was, just for the fun of it. A sparse savannah of white barely hides his scalp stained with the marks of age. He was hunched and every time he walks around with his trusty old cane, we could see just how much effort is needed just for him to move a simple 5 steps. He always wears the same old sleeveless T shirt and a red checked Sarong. He spends most of the time sitting in from of his house on his little green plastic chair, just staring out to the streets sometimes dozing off to a fitful nap bugged by flies landing on his skin and maybe nightmares. He was always alone. Never did we see a wife or any of his probably all-grown-up-by-now children visit him. To us children he was a frightening figure. An unknown, a mystery. He would always sit there and just stare right at the streets, an act we children finds unsettling or even creepy. It was out of this silly fear of the old man that we would make up stories of him. Stories like how he is actually an evil wizard who will kidnap naughty children to be cooked in a bubbling pot of vat or that he will capture naughty boys and cut their pee-pee (it was what we used as children to describe penis) if they were to be so unlucky to have crossed paths with him on the streets.
[in-uh-suh ns] –noun
1.The quality or state of being innocent; freedom from sin ormoral wrong.
2.Freedom from legal or specific wrong; guiltlessness: Theprisoner proved his innocence.
3.Simplicity; absence of guile or cunning; naiveté.
Do you ever wish that you can turn back time and
go back to being a small little kid?
Sheltered and protected.
When the world was so much simpler when
we are free to roam the vast fields of our imagination, sail
through the seas of creativity,
opening treasure troves of new discoveries and
fight the monsters of our own fear.
To be free of responsibility, of life's
hardships. To laugh, love and cry at our hearts content
allowing our emotions to flow unobstructed
like the Nile cutting its way through Egypt.
To have the sky of dreams above your head and
the solid ground of life under your feet.
I do.
I think that my years as a small kid were truly the happiest time of my life. It was back when life was perfect, when I was still too young to sense the deep undercurrents in my parent's relationship that would eventually broke the dam of their marriage. It was when life truly felt like it was worth living.
Back then, we didn't really stay in a proper house, so our family stayed in quite a small building which can double up as a shop. We didn't really have much at that point in time. But it didn't matter. For me, as long as there's still a roof above my head, a bed to sleep on, food to keep me from going hungry and of course my family to love me and keep me save, life was as it should be.
We had quite a few neighbours at that time as quite a lot of people also lived in the buildings next to us and all around us. We were never a close knit community but it never mattered for us children. Every afternoon when the sun has started its descent, when an orange colour started to seep into its rounded form, the kids come out to play. As children we always have the uncanny capability of making friends almost instantaneously. A few brief introductions of who we are and off we go playing together like we've been playing together forever. It was our innocence that allows us to trust so willingly, to make friends with anyone not caring who they are or where they come from, something I believe we all should revive amidst today’s world of judgements.
As kids it was never a matter of what should we do today, but rather what can't we do today. Skipping rope, hide and seek, hopscotch, or just a simple game of tag. Our imagination takes us to places no man has ever discovered. Sailing through the seven seas as pirates of the Caribbean, discovering hidden treasures in hidden tombs of our own making a la Indiana Jones, and of course our favourite, the game of pretend whereby some of us takes on adult roles as teachers, chefs and any other profession you could ever dreamed off. Now that I look back at my early childhood days it always fascinates me how as children, we really loved to pretend and take on adult roles that we see in our daily lives. There’s this fascination for us as children seeing the vast and unknown adult world, the myriad of things that you could do as an adult as well as the authority that you have as an adult, free to be who you are and never restricted, unlike us children. We never really realize how lucky we were as children, and how free we truly are as compared to adults.
Our innocence and our imagination can take us anywhere we wanted to go and find friends in the most uncanny situations. However it also allows us to create monsters from simple fear and misunderstanding. This was especially true when it came to the old man living just down the street from where we used to play. He was a quiet man if I do remember correctly, rarely talks to anyone beyond that is necessary. His face is ridden with gorges, valleys and canyons carved by the passage of time. We used to have a game of guessing how old the man really was, just for the fun of it. A sparse savannah of white barely hides his scalp stained with the marks of age. He was hunched and every time he walks around with his trusty old cane, we could see just how much effort is needed just for him to move a simple 5 steps. He always wears the same old sleeveless T shirt and a red checked Sarong. He spends most of the time sitting in from of his house on his little green plastic chair, just staring out to the streets sometimes dozing off to a fitful nap bugged by flies landing on his skin and maybe nightmares. He was always alone. Never did we see a wife or any of his probably all-grown-up-by-now children visit him. To us children he was a frightening figure. An unknown, a mystery. He would always sit there and just stare right at the streets, an act we children finds unsettling or even creepy. It was out of this silly fear of the old man that we would make up stories of him. Stories like how he is actually an evil wizard who will kidnap naughty children to be cooked in a bubbling pot of vat or that he will capture naughty boys and cut their pee-pee (it was what we used as children to describe penis) if they were to be so unlucky to have crossed paths with him on the streets.
Never Let Me Go
"I come and here and imagine that this is the spot where everything I've lost since my childhood has washed up. I tell myself if that were true and I waited long enough then a tiny figure would appear on the horizon across the field and gradually gets larger until I'd see it was Tommy. He'd wave and maybe call. I don't let the fantasy go beyond that. I cant let it. I remind myself i was lucky to have any time with him at all. What I'm not sure about is if our lives has been so different from the lives we save. We're all complete. Maybe none of us really understands what we've lived through. Or feel we've had enough time."
- Carey Mulligan - Never Let Me Go
Priceless Facial Expressions
You know that there are just some movies out there which can have you leaving the theaters having a warm and fuzzy feeling deep inside your stomach. I really like these kind of movies as its what I would call as a feel-good movie. Sometimes those happy endings can even bring a tide of emotions which will (almost) break the dams of your tear glands. (I'm a sucker for happy endings, always have and always will be).
Just finished watching Monsters Inc. by Disney Pixar (in case you want a complete and detailed summary go Google it). The basic point of the story is the unlikely friendship forged between a monster whose job was suppose to scare kids with a small unnamed little girl called "Boo!". Nearing the end of the movie they were suppose to say goodbye to each other and can never see each other again. But in a true classic (or rather tiring cliched) Disney spirit, the door that will allow them to meet each other again was reassembled and the facial expression of Sully (the monster I was talking about) above are his expressions as he gingerly walked through the door and the sound of an older Boo greeted him with the words "Kitty!" (its how she calls him throughout the movie).
I mean I know that the whole thing is a cliched Disney happy ending which had been done countless of times. And yet that very last facial expression in Sully's face was just priceless. The way his eyes lit up, meeting someone whom he thought he had lost forever. That split second whereby we can see the jolt of joy coursing through his body. It was absolutely poignant and touching. What a way to close a movie!
A Collection of my Favorite Sketches and Paintings
This is actually my most recent sketch done with pencil of a Starbucks Tall Cafe Latte. It was drawn in My friend's sketchbook at her request at the Starbucks located in Grand Indonesia Shopping Town. I kinda fell it looks quite ok though the curve and position of the coaster is a bit off. It was done in around 15 minutes with the shading added afterwards. I was so happy I got the new Starbucks Logo correct in the coaster there!
This one is an oil painting of my favorite pair of converse shoes! It was done with the canvas and paint that my best friends gave me for my birthday. I kinda liked how it looked in the end. I was trying to go for a more detailed look of the shoes but gave up halfway. But I liked how things turned out.
While this one is a sketch of my left hand done during one of my Maths Lecture (Yes I was not a very good student back then, and I suppose still am). The outlines were added later when my friends told me that it'll look better with darker outlines and I suppose it did. Oh and if you see carefully in the left hand bottom corner there's a small picture of a strawberry shortcake drawn before i drew my hand.
Finally, this is one of my earliest sketches back when i just started drawing. I did this in Singapore's Bras Basah National Library and it is still I believe one of my best and favorite sketches. The object of the drawing was a dried leaf which fell on to my lap while i was trying to study in the library's garden. Talk about inspiration from up above.
I did quite a few other sketches which I really liked. But sadly those were done on Starbucks Napkins or the likes of it, so yeah, most of them end up together with the remains of my iced caramel macchiato. In the trash.
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